Beautiful

I just finished a 7-week course of school. The class, Healthy Lifestyles, was just awesome!!! There were approximately 30 students, and people of literally every skin, gender, age.... it was awesome! We had people from Pakistan, Egypt, and across the country. Some were married, some single, some had kids, some didn't...

Everyone was put into a group (there were six groups), and each group would do a presentation on a different topic. My group was 'Stress Relaxation' (everyone loved us). It was so much fun! We did a breathing exercise, some yoga and then some progressive muscle relaxation. Did I mention it was amazing?

Anyway, I became close friends with a girl in my group. She had come from Taiwan a few years ago to restart her life here in America. It was such an eye opening experience!

Perhaps one of my favorite memories took place on a test day. We would take the test in class, and when we finished, we would sit outside in the hallway, quietly and patiently. So there we were, this [slightly older] woman and I, and she suddenly she turned to me and said, "I think you are absolutely beautiful." I froze.

"E-excuse me?" My face went red.

"You are just... so beautiful. You remind me of these Taiwanese cartoons I used to watch when I was younger, and they were so beautiuful. And so are you."

This has never, EVER happened to me before. She was practically a stranger (we did become very close after that). I almost cried.

But I've felt kind of changed, like "Yeah, you know what? I am beautiful." And I've felt like maybe I should start saying this to other people, because if it's the truth, then you need to know it! So if I randomly compliment you, accept it and then turn around and pass it on!

Happily Ever After

As I've recently found, life can be awesome, or life can suck. It really just depends on your outlook on life. I've pretty much always been a Negative Nellie, and thought I'd always be this way. I'm slowly becoming more of a realist, with a touch of optimism. It was a very hard lesson to learn, and I can be pretty hard on myself.

But, like I said, I'm changing. And it's hard. I've been pretty comfortable with who I am (for the most part), but I decided that I could be better. Maybe I could be a little more outgoing. I'm not to big on changing outward appearances (especially using plastic surgery), but I could change who I was inside. I was kind of an angry person who just sat around complaining about everything. And then when things didn't go my way, I wondered why. Well, DUH!

So I started feeling more sorry for myself, and I could tell it was rubbing on other people, which by the way, is SO NOT COOL. Thus, the reason for change.

I'm trying to look at life with a better outlook. Yeah, tough things happen, but A-No one has the perfect life, which means B-No one is perfect, which leads to C-How are you going to handle what is handed to you?

I just let other people control things for me. I can't make a decision to save my life-literally. If God were to ask me if I was to stay or go, here's how the conversation would probably go:

The Big Guy: "Well, Cass, do you want to live or die?"
Cass: "Well, you know best. Which would be better?"
The Big Guy: "Cass, this is YOUR life, and it is YOUR decision."
Cass: "Well, if I live, I'll have to go through a bunch of stuff and have lots of highs and lots of lows. If I die, I might not get to experience that, but I would still get to watch the world descend into garbage. I don't care, really. You can choose."
The Big Guy: "Cass, you need to make a decision."
Cass: "Well, I honestly don't care..."

And so on and so forth. But that's changing. I've always heard people say, "Well, you need to take control of your life. Make sure you can tell your kids exciting things." And stuff like that, but it didn't mean anything to me. I just figured I'd tell my *imaginary* kids "Well, I didn't drink, smoke or have pre-marital sex, so it's all good."

But something changed. Maybe it was after that good bonk on the head the Sweet Lord gave me that night I decided to change... I don't know. But I felt the change, and honestly, JK Rowling says it best, “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.”

And that makes sense to me. You have to go out there and TRY to do something. No, you won't be the best, but at least you tried, right?

It would be great to see what happens to me at the end of my life: who do I end up with (if with anyone at all)? My kids, my career, my pets... Did I do something cool?

Maybe one day I'll tell my kids, "Well, I know that I can't four-wheel, but at least I tried, right?"

So, seriously, try something new today. And enjoy it!