The Door-Part 2

Mom talked to the doctor later, and realized what the door was. That was when she warned me. "Don't go through the door, Ali. I can't follow, so don't go through, you understand?" Anger again. No more wishes. I nodded, and said I understood. But I was 7-years-old, how was I to understand?

"Grandma Fitzuld said she loved me, and she said she loved you, too, Mommy." More wishes, and they spilled into Mom's lap.

"Ali, if you ever see that door again, don't go through, understand?" More nodding, more wishes.

* * * * * 8 YEARS LATER * * * * *

I had seen the door several times since then. I was physically changed, and people knew who I was. "Hey, you're the girl who almost died, right?" Mom was quick to drag me away, because no one-believe me, NO ONE-wanted to open that can of worms.

The truth was, I had died. They didn't know, because they were ignorant, but I was a little more quick to forgive than Mom. "Idiots. Can't even keep the rude comments to themselves." Like I said, I don't remember what happened, but it was terrible enough to kill me. Doctors told Mom I was dead for 2 1/2 minutes, and that it didn't do too much damage, but it was enough...

Every morning I wake up to scars, latticed across the right side of my face. I also stare at the milky whiteness of the iris and pupil...I will never see again. Mom told me to grow out my hair, to cover the 'different' part of me.

"Mom, it's who I am. Why can't you accept that?" She cries. More wishes. Ever since then, we've never been close. She hates what the accident has done to us, but I know nothing of my life previous to my death.

But the door comes every night, and it's been the same ever since. Once in a while, someone besides Grandma Fitzgerald comes and beckons to me, but they're not people I know. I always get so close, and I'm in the threshold of the door, when I'm yanked back to reality, sitting up and sweating in bed. I never tell Mom these dreams. Dad will listen sometimes, but rarely. He's always gone to work.

Today feels different. It's a hot Friday in July, and I'm stuck inside reading. Mom has forbidden me to go outside. "You're fragile." She says, but I know I'm not. Just in her eyes. I have no friends, again, no thanks to Mom. I've been homeschooled since then, and she has cut off contact with any friends I had.

So, while Mom is cooking and Dad is working (surprise), I am reading Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. Very exciting. Claudio has just seen Margaret by the window with another man, and believes it to be Hero, and wants to call off the wedding.

Lunch is ready. More Reading. Dinner is Ready. More reading. Time for bed. Mom comes to tuck me in (as usual), and I'm laying there as she's talking to me, giving me the usual pep talk.

"Sleep well, and think about how luck you are to have survived"-I thank God every night for my life, believe me-"and me and your father will thank the Good Lord for you, too, and make sure to remember to pray for Aunt Bea and her baby..." She goes on and on, but I'm not listening.

"Mom, I love you." I say, quite suddenly. It's been a while since I've said those words, but I mean them. She stops talking. Wishes. Millions of them.

"I love you, too, Ali." She hugs me, and when she leaves, I am covered in wishes. Sleep comes quickly, as does the door.

* * * * * * * * * *

The door is open when I get there, but no one is there. I see a meadow, full of life-flowers, butterflies, and puffy clouds. I hear the voice, comforting and gentle as always. "Ali, it's time to come home." For the first time in a while, I feel wishes coming to my eyes. "But...but... my parents." I stutter. The voice is a little more firm this time. "Ali, it's time to come home." More wishes.

I put one foot in front of the other, and I cross into the threshold. There is a bright white light, and the next thing I know, I'm in the meadow.

I'm warm. A bright blue butterfly lands on my nose, and it tickles. A bird flies by, singing. A puppy comes to me, and as I put my hadn down, it begins to lick my hand, and it tickles, too.

"Ali?" I turned around. "Grandma!" I throw my arms around her, but it is she who lifts me off the ground. She is so strong, and she's healthy. Her deep blue eyes have the same spark they used to, and her curly white hair is as crazy and unrully as ever. The wrinkles are not as pronounced, and her smiles is sweet.

"Ali, are you... here?" she asks, rather hesitantly. I shrug. "I guess so. Someone told me to come home, and here I am."

"But your parents..." she says. I hug her hard, and feel the wishes come. "I know, Grandma. I know."

* * * * * * * * * *

I am lead by a person in a pure white robe. His-it has to be a him- hair is white, too, and almost to his shoulders. He stops, and I blink-he's gone, but in his place is a telescope. I look through it, and it is morning, the next day. I watch Mom come into my room, but I can't hear her. I see her lips moving."Ali, get up. It's time for breakfast." She leaves the door open as she leaves. Minutes later, she is back and shaking me-no, my body. When there is no response, I see her call to my father. Dad comes in-so rugged looking-and they check my pulse. An ambulance is called, but nothing works.

Wishes are shared between Mom and Dad, but there is nothing they can do. It doesn't how many wishes are shared, shed or given, I am NOT coming back.

"Mom, Dad? I love you."

The Door

I never understood the door the, and I hardly understand it now. Mom warned me about it when I woke up. "Don't go there, Ali. I can't follow you through there, so don't go, you understand?" I nodded, and said I understood, but I really didn't.

* * * * * * * * * *

I woke up that day, not really remembering what had happened. The room was strange. It wasn't mine, and it was mostly white, with a pink itchy blanket on the bed. I looked out the window and saw trees. A bird flew past the window, singing. I tried to get off the bed, but something pulled me back. I looked down and saw I was wearing paper -paper!- and I was confused. The door opened, and a woman with blue pants and a blue shirt came in.

"Where's my mom?" I asked. The woman smiled. "Right here." My mom followed and rushed to my side. "Oh, my sweet Ali! Oh, sweet Ali!" There were kisses and hugs, and her face was wet because I could feel it, but I couldn't see her face.

"Mom?" She pulled back, and I saw tears. I knew tears. They were what happened when Daddy left. They were what happened the day Gramma Fitzuld ("Fitzgerald, Ali!") slept, and Mom said Gramma Fitzuld was gone, dancing with the angels. Mom said we could wish on tears that 'glistened'. Mommy said 'glistened' meant they were shiny.

"Oh, Ali. We thought we'd lost you." She said. Daddy was home now. I giggled.
"Silly Mommy. How can you lost me? I've been sleeping here the whole time." Mom smiled.

"Did you dream, Ali?" She asked, the wishes gleaming in her eyes.

"Yes, Mommy. I saw a door with a bright, bright light. It was white, Mommy." More wishes came to Mommy's eyes.

"What did you do, Ali?"

"I went to the door, and I wanted to go in. Someone called me, and the door opened. I saw Gramma Fitzuld, Mommy."

"Fitzgerald, Ali." Mommy said gently. She was looking out the window.

"Mommy, where are my clothes?" I asked. Something changed inside Mommy at that point. She looked angry.

"No, Ali. You can't have your clothes. They're... yucky." She said, and she was mad. My 7-year-old mind didn't understand why someone could be so angry.

"What happened after you saw Gramma Fitzuld-Fitzgerald, Ali?" She changed the subject, but I could see how angry she was. Did I do something wrong?

"I walked to the door. But I heard something else. I heard you Mommy. I heard you calling me."

More wishes. Anger gone.

"Me?" Mommy asked. I nodded. "And I heard Daddy, too. You said you didn't want me to go. That I had to come back. So I did."

* * * * * * * * * *

Click to see what Jason Mraz is doing! JASON MRAZ

Anyway..........

Wow. It's been a while.... Sorry it took so long. I was going to write about camp this previous week, but then it was Father's Day, so I thought to myself, "I'll just do it tomorrow"... but 'tomorrow' came and went, and now it's yesterday. Sheesh. Time is flying by real quick.

Anyway, since I really did come home from camp, I had to give a talk in Church about said experience. And I'll get to that later (yes, I'm postponing it--AGAIN!), but the point is I get STAGE fright. Like... REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY bad stage fright. I start shaking ("I'm just cold") my nose starts running ("just allergies"), and I start getting dizzy ("OK, this is scary"). But all of a sudden, a lyric pops into my head---

"A bushy bushy blonde hair do-
Surfin' USA"

Great. So now I'm singing the Beach Boys... IN CHURCH!!!! (My mother accused me of being sacreligious)....

So now I want to swim. It's been SOOOOOOOOOOO long since I swam. It doesn't help that the Ward Swim Party landed on the day I was in Manti... not one bit. But, it's all been said and done.

So, I am here and alive. Now, I've just got to survive Trek.

PS-Thanks for the bonnet, Emma!!!!!

Happy Father's Day!

YAY to dads!!! I love Dads. They are ABSOLUTELY fabulous. Everyone should have a father, although there are some who don't get that opportunity. You always have your Father in Heaven (unless you're Atheist-in which case, Sorry).

So here is a poem for Daddy! I LOVE YOU BIG KAHUNA!!!!

You could not have been any better. Really. Truly. I mean that.



A little girl needs Daddy
For many, many things:
Like holding her high off the ground
Where the sunlight sings!

Like being the deep music
That tells her all is right
When she awakens frantic with
The terrors of the night.

Like being the great mountain
That rises in her heart
And shows her how she might get home
When all else falls apart.

Like giving her the love
That is her sea and air,
So diving deep or soaring high
She'll always find him there.

I Hope YOU Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
Get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed.



I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance



I hope you dance
I hope you dance



I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
I hope you never settle for the path of least resistance
Living life means taking chances, but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake, but it's worth making.



Don't let some he&#-bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sittin' out, reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,



I hope you dance
I hope you dance

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)



I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)

Those Hazy, Lazy Summer Days

OK, OK, I'm back. I know, last post was short, but I was running... somewhere. I don't even remember where (isn't that sad?) But it's summer, and I can't help it. But now, there's lots to do this summer!!! LIKE...

-Go see a movie (at the dollar theatre)
-Go on a picnic to one of Salt Lake's biggest parks--SUGAR HOUSE!!!!! (and feed the ducks-they get hungry too)
-Go to the library and pick up a GOOD book
-Play a game with sibs and/or friends

I'm sure there's lots more to do, but that's all I can think of (my brain is shut down right now)Next week is Girl's Camp, Jun 15-19, and I am THRILLED about Girl's Camp this year. Not that I haven't been in years before, but last year was a particular disaster, and let me tell you, I had to pray and pray and PRAY that Girl's Camp was where I needed to be last year... I ended up asking The Big Kahuna for a Father's Blessing, and I was still a little unsure. I was a little upset with my parents for making me go, but this year, you couldn't stop me. I am absolutely.... I don't know, ECSTATIC to go... I wish I could tell you why.

Anyway, that means NO electronics (well, maybe a camera or a recording camera)...

I wish I had some extremely wisdom-ly advice to give... but alas, I don't. Except enjoy your summer. What else can you do? Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some books to read.

PS-There are some morning when I wake up and either I had a dream or something that jsut goes through my head, and it could be a short story, but it's going NOWHERE... so if one day you pull this blog up, and the post is absolutely bizarre, don't worry.... I've not gone crazy.


YET.

Mindy Gledhill

All right, I've got to do a PSA here. I have recently become hooked on a new and upcoming artist-Mindy Gledhill. She has two albums out, and an upcoming album, to be released August 4th. While searching her blog (that's her button to the right-click that and it'll take you to her website), I found a *new* song (for her), and I really like how she did it. So that's today blog. School is out, and summer is here-YAY!!!!! But I'm really excited for this album.



Enjoy! Have a wonderful summer!